I don’t know where to start, so I’ll just begin by saying STOP PROTECTING ABUSERS! Today I’m specifically talking about sexual assault and the breaking news about Diddy’s “alleged” years of abuse toward Cassie. Many times, if you weren’t violated in a dark alley at knife or gun point you are going to be questioned about why it happened, as if there had to be something you did. What were you wearing? Were you drinking? On drugs? Being mean? How many sexual partners have you had? Does any of that constitute a violent reaction? I wouldn’t think so, yet here we are.
I apologize now, because this may be all over the place, but this is how I process my thoughts and feelings. Anyway, it’s bad enough when the abuser has money and power. Still even when it comes to the most crystal clean victims who aren’t smeared and their voices extinguished because their abusers have the right “connections”, women sometimes STILL must prove why they should be believed. There are so many degrees and levels to people’s experience, but what they all seem to have in common is a fear of speaking out, and that is our fault as a society. I believe it starts with downplaying the power of no. Many men and women believe if an encounter of a sexual nature isn’t verbally or physically violent that it’s not assault. I just don’t see it that way and let me tell you why.
If a girl or woman tells you she is not interested in sex, that sometimes becomes a challenge. She may absolutely be into a man, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s ready for that step. When you continually ask, bring it up, and push the boundaries of intimacy, an eventual yes can sometimes mean she just decided to give in to the pressure. I can attest to that happening to myself over the years many times. And afterwards I felt terrible and never viewed the guy the same. When we continue to do that, men seem to think, oh well let me just keep asking until one day a woman decides not to give in and that becomes an unacceptable answer for them. You’re telling ME no?
What’s more concerning, is some of us get worn down and begin to use sex as an “I’ll get them before they can get to me” coping mechanism, which is unhealthy in and of itself. Then guess what? Suddenly you’re a whore by the world’s standards, when all you wanted to do was wait for the right time and the right person, you just didn’t have the courage to be that strong in the moment. Responses I read so far to Cassie suing Diddy for years of sexual abuse…. Why didn’t she just leave? She just wants money. Why now? She’s jealous of the new girl. Even if these were legitimate questions/concerns (which they absolutely are not) Not once did these same commentators add he shouldn’t have done that. This way of thinking is so ingrained in our society that I truly don’t know how to handle it. I had to take a break from the internet because, wow I can’t believe we continue to see evidence of bad things happening but need to find a way to explain or justify it. We’ve got to teach our sons better, and we’ve got to teach our daughters not to fear saying no or speaking up. That’s all I’ve got for now, just needed to say SOMETHING!
What’s Kay Saying Today? 