If you’re not following the Derrick Jaxn saga let me quickly catch you up. A self proclaimed relationship guru made a video to address and admit to cheating on his wife with her by his side while she was dressed in a beanie and lounge clothing. Ok so I will be the first to admit when I saw this I was like oh…but quickly remembered this is about HIS infidelity and hypocrisy not her appearance.
I would never get on social media and add to someone’s already obvious trauma by subtlety suggesting something they did or didn’t do caused their own hurt. I get you may have done things differently as far as how you dressed, honestly I would have too. Personally if I’d been cheated on and chosen to stay he would have been making that video alone. If somehow he’d convinced me to sit with him I’m dressing how I want, not for one minute wondering what the audience might think…it’s for me/him not them.
I can’t believe how we’ve shifted the conversation to “I see why he cheated” “You’ve got to keep yourself up after marriage” We have low key told Mr. Jaxn and countless other spouses that what they did was justified. At the same time we’re telling our friends and family that suspect they’re being cheated on, have been cheated on, and are currently being cheated on that perhaps they did something to warrant that betrayal. If he didn’t like something about her he had the option of speaking with her about it. If that didn’t yield the results he wanted he ultimately had the option of leaving her. He instead chose to cheat and that had absolutely nothing to do with her or the clothes she wears. Also as evolving humans if we dressed one way for years and make a decision to change that for whatever reason, that is our right.
For years my motto was the more cleavage the better. Now if I wear anything low cut, I sometimes second guess am I showing too much, because what I’m comfortable with has changed and that is OK. Like I said if he didn’t like her evolution of dress, he had several options before stepping out on his marriage. No matter how you think she SHOULD have dressed, she would have been clowned for staying, clowned for wearing a beanie, and even clowned for dressing up and standing by an adulterer. She was never going to win in this society, so why not do you, on your terms?
My son is a great example and actually taught me a few things concerning how we dress. Since he could dress himself we would battle about his choices. Finally as he got a little older and found his voice he said to me: Why does it matter what I wear? I like it and it makes me feel good. I couldn’t argue with that and wondered how much I may have been chipping away at his confidence by questioning his outfit choices at times. I don’t do that anymore. When I see someone dressed in a way I wouldn’t I remember just that, I wouldn’t but I’m not them and it’s not my business to challenge what makes them feel good. Anyone who cheats makes a conscious decision to do so. Let’s put the blame where it belongs and only there.
What’s Kay Saying Today? 